The Porter Bureau

Ok, I love the new facial hair on Bill. Not only because I’ve taken to wearing a beard myself, but because it makes him totally look like a Bond villain! Or, perhaps his position behind Obama makes him a henchman–either way, it works, baby.

Even better, however, is the look on Obama’s face. One has to wonder just what question he is responding to or to whom he is talking. So, jump right in and offer up what you think Obama is saying. The winner will be given an all expenses paid trip to wherever they currently reside (taxes, title, tips, expenses, not included).

A few primers:

“The ones with the little strawberry on top? Yeah, you’re feelin’ me.”

“Not that “Bill,” but maybe he’ll come around.”

“And then Condoleeaza hands me my passport and says, ‘sorry Mr. Obama.’”

“Get it? Get it? The duck had two webbed feet?!”

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And the winner is…

A tie between Scott and Alta!

They say that life is 95% about showing up. Well nothing proves that more than a contest here at The Porter Bureau. In addition to their entries being witty, insightful and bursting with hilarity, Scott and Alta were the only contestants… so they win! Here, reprinted without their permissions, are their entries:

Alta

“When your hunger is pokin’ atcha, ‘pokin atcha” (remember that old Snickers ad?)

Scott

“You doity rat!”

Thanks for playing you two. Nothing will be mailed to you with no instructions on how to not claim your rewards. Congratulations!

Umm, wow. I heard from the University of Maryland today, my top school. I have been accepted! As those crazy enough to apply to graduate school know, typically you want to see a thick envelope since a thin envelope means that all you were sent was the rejection letter. Well, I got a thin envelope in the mail today from the U of Maryland. Obviously I thought the worst. Once again (as with MSU), I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I had been accepted (graduate school official documents that normally make an acceptance letter a thick envelope to follow).

I also heard from the University of Florida today. The news from the swamp was not so good, which made the letter from Maryland all that much more exciting. Getting accepted to Maryland is doubly welcome because it is sufficiently prestigious that I might actually get a job teaching college somewhere when I graduate.

All is not set, however. I was accepted, but I am on a waiting list for funding. I hope to find out soon if that means I just have to wait and I will be funded, or if there’s a chance I won’t be offered funding at all. The University of Maryland is halfway between Washington DC and Baltimore, so it’s an expensive place to live. I might be able to get a job off campus to keep things afloat family wise, but at $9k a semester, there’s no way I’d be able to cover out-of-state tuition. Everyone keep your fingers crossed for me. Still, I can’t believe I was accepted there–I really did think that Maryland was above my proverbial pay grade. Here’s hoping that everything works out and I can actually attend.

So, my dear reader, you may know Shaino (aka Mac Strate) from our sister blog, 301NIB. Now Shaino and I have had occasion to discuss politics here on this blog. But in addition to our spirited debates here on The Porter Bureau, Shaino and I have carried on many conversations in person and over the phone that deal with politics and other social issues. I feel compelled to give you a sense of what it’s like to have a conversation in person with Mr. Mac Strate, so I’ve linked the clip below. It is truly amazing how accurately the Macster is portrayed by the actor (including hair style and wardrobe).

I know, I know. My loyal readership (all one of you) certainly expect today’s entry to be about how the March 4th primary went, or how The Huckster finally bowed out of the race (graceful, thy name is Huckabee) . Or perhaps you expected me to discuss the fact that Hillary Clinton finally broke Obama’s string of 11 straight victories.

WELL YOU’RE WRONG

Geeks, nerds, dweebs everywhere today mourn the passing of their patron saint, Gary Gygax. In 1974, Gygax created the early 80′s rage, and whipping boy of the religiously intolerant, Dungeons and Dragons. I still remember my parents telling me that D&D was of the devil, and that I shouldn’t play it. Sadly, their warnings were lost on a child who they had been reading The Hobbit to since before he could walk. Halflings, wizards, swords, and yes, even fire demons (i.e. the Balrog), were imprinted on my DNA. As well try to hold back the rushing waters of the mighty Snake River as keep me from saving up $10.99 for my first “Dungeons & Dragons Basic” box set, complete with twenty sided dice. I still remember the red cover and picture of a hero, chain mail and shield a flurry, facing down a mighty red dragon. That humble box set led to hours upon hours of free imagination and fun. Here, to the best of my recollection, is a list of the roleplaying games I have played, all of which owe something to Mr. Gygax.

• Dungeons & Dragons Basic (Played mostly behind my parents’ back… I was such a rebel at 10).
• Free-form roleplaying with Vincent Baker. (Sadly came to an end when Vince moved away when I was 14).
• MERP/Rolemaster – Ah, memories of Dave Butler and the Ferrer Middle School library (where us geeks/nerds/dweebs ran to hide when the local bullies came a’ callin).
• Call of Cthulhu (perhaps there was something to my parents’ fear of demons in roleplaying after all…).
• Rune Quest – a reimagined Europe, very cool.
• Mech Warrior – a roleplaying add-on to one of my favorite board games of all time, Battle Tech. (One of my best attempts at GMing was with this game).
• Advanced Dungeons& Dragon, 2nd Edition. I basically lived at Jared Bachelor’s house for 2 years, and most of that time was spent playing AD&D.
• Vampire, The Masquerade – dark, very dark. (See Chtulhu comment).
• Champions – A super hero game in which I had an interesting tendency to always create a super secret agent character… ohh, pop psychology moment! Someone figure me out and email me asap!
• Amber – Based on the brilliant, and probably LSD inspired, works of Roger Zelazney, this was a significant move away from the traditional dice based roleplaying games inspired by Mr. Gygax, may he rest in peace.
• AD&D 3rd Edition
• Dogs in the Vineyard – I’m reunited (in a very round about way) with my old roleplaying buddy Vincent! Vince reimagined the Mormon western settlement and combined it with interesting, story driven gaming mechanics.
• Various “indie” roleplaying games: My Life with Master, Polaris, and In a Wicked Age (another Vincent game).

Ah, memories. All due to the creativity of one man… well, ok, not really. But still, Gygax got things “role”ing in a way no one else had before. So, for all those who have a dice collection that includes more 20 sided dice than 6 sided dice, who collect lead miniatures, who list on their home owner’s insurance “1st Edition Dungeons & Dragons players manual (3),” and who have shed tears over a made savings throw, thank you Mr. Gygax, thank you.

You know, it’s a good thing that there’s a Senator Obama out there running for president. If he wasn’t, what on earth would I fill up my blog with. Well this next video clip is for all those out there that (erroneously) believe Obama gets a pass from the media… I mean, will your really trust those lefties over at SNL to satirically point out the truth for you? Of course not, they’re the poster children for the far left, neo communist, Castro supporting, Michael Moore film watching MSM! Don’t believe them!