The Porter Bureau

Intel’s new slogan states that they are the “sponsor of tomorrow.” My immediate question is, how much is tomorrow charging for said sponsorship? After all, tomorrow is the future, and as the saying goes, the future belongs to no one. By inverse logic, the future belongs to everyone, making me part own of the future–an assertion further supported by the way my parents constantly harangued me about “my future” through high school, a phraseology that clearly demonstrates possession of the future on my part.

Thus: Intel, please contact me so we can discuss remunerations for your sponsorship. And please hurry, I’d like to make a deal for tomorrow today.